To Laugh from the Bottom of the Belly

Few days ago I realised I was not only laughing, but doing so from the bottom of my belly. What a pleasant things to notice! The more I notice small little miserable “I”s, like the frightened one, the scared one, the one that does not want to see, and the angry one, the more I look at them, love them, give them space in my body but misidentify from them and tell them “I am not you”- the more space I find in me, not only for all these poor ones- but also for joy.

RUMI, from “The Sunrise Ruby”. A card I picked up in one of the Gurdjieff Sacred Dances retreats, while I was still knocking upon the wicket of Joy

And as more space opens up for joy, more space in me opens in general. A space between my shoulders, a space between my ribs, a space under my sternum, and a space in my bottomless-pit of a belly. I even found out a “new” muscle under my ribs, that was already there but has never been properly used, up until now. 3 decades and only now I find these muscles to use within me, and I finally regain my body (which for times after the alignments feel as if it’s not really mine). As I learn to stand and walk in new ways, I also learn to laugh in new ways, and the more I regain my body, the more I regain my life.

From whom Im regaining it? From many unacknowledged little “I”s, from my raving mind, from sleepwalking my way through life, from being so disembodied that I never realized even WHERE was the problem all along (clue: it all goes down to the gut!), from blaming the buttons of being pushed, the government, my mom, society, etc etc…

Time to tuck up the buttons, as Akash says. Time to sleepwalk through my life but at least know it’s, for most parts, an unattended dream. Time to regain my life, laugh from the bottom of my belly, cry from the middle of my heart, to experience what comes as it comes. Anger. Fear. Pain. Connection. Relation. Contraction. Expansion. Joy. Love. The time has come.

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