Tension becomes stagnation, relaxation becomes flow.
Breathing again and again to the depth of my body, sleeping on the floor and meeting dear earth with my body every night I start to perceive what I’m being taught, but instead of it being just words and concepts of somebody else they become to be my own experience. as time passes by, I see myself believing less and less to concepts and trusting more and more the felt intuitions and voices that my body signals to me. I understand that this voice has been there all along, but tensing myself has made me deaf. and blind. and stagnated.
The more I practice the more life flows. and there are no questions about what to do next, as the path just unfolds. and there are many questions more to be answered and the teacher is within. I look for external teachers, this Reggie from the US and that Akash from India, but eventually what they do is connect me to my inner somatic voice. that’s where the answer shines. not in books, or academy, in google or other souls.
The more I practice the deeper it goes. as much tension that will be released is as much tension I will find in the underlying layer. Tension of the body becomes tension of the soul, tension of the mind becomes tension of delimiting thought patterns and enclosing self inflicted borders. I’ve heard for years of this concept of “release”, just release and let it go.
שחררי ילדה, הרפי הרפי גופך
what no one explained until now is that releasing does not come from the mind. the mind can not release, because it is not the mind that holds. It is the body, it is that soma that hold. hence only the soma can release, only the body can really let go.
Diving deeper and deeper, my saviour does not come from heaven. she comes from hell. the spiritual journey is downwards to warm fertile mother earth- not upwards away from life to the run away to some foreign far removed sky. and I find that spirituality is not the glittery shiny serenity that one imagines to find in meditation. it is actually opening my eyes to see the pain and aches and samsara of life. it is the bravery to face honest your selfish patterns that you refuse to see. It is opening your eyes peacefully and minding your ears to hear the sound of the world. any sound. and it is acknowledging your ugliest patterns in order to be able to let go.
Let go. if you let go in your body then you let go in your soul. because the body knows. they teach us wrong in school, it is not the brain, it is the heart. it is not the hard drive, library or books that stores the wisdom, it is our very cells and tissues and tensed muscles and ached soma. soma to soma I speak, soma to soma I know. soma to soma we are drawn, one to the other in a cosmic flow. soma to soma we dance, soma to soma we learn. soma to soma we touch, soma to soma we yearn.